Posts Tagged ‘Weightloss’

Heart Pumping, Fat Burning, Strength Injecting IEPS (Intensive Exercise Protocols) are now available in 5 or 10 packs.  Imagine never needing to have some fitness “guru” to hold your hand in the gym, ever again.  Imagine crossfit type intensity without the crazy people. Imagine only trying to outperform yourself not a group of can’t hack it slackers.  Each one of these work outs may be used for a minimum of one month. This means if you get the 10 pack, essentially you just invested in one year of exercise programming geared at making you tougher than nails.  Each work out is coded on a level of 1 (easy) to 5 (hard) in the following areas:

1.  Demand (intensity and what it takes)
2.  Metabolic Drive (how hard it works your heart)
3.  Strength Drive (how hard it works your muscles)

These workouts are all challenged based and the only person you have to outperform is yourself.  Stuff all the other hype.  This cheaper, more effective, and promised to give you a result.

5 Pack Volume One (Save 25%)

Includes the following workouts:
Bullet Proof
Defiance
Denial
Drowning
Empty Clip
14.95

Five Pack: Volume Two (Save 25%)

Includes the following workouts:
First Blood
Hard Drive
Iced
Pandora’s Box
The Wall
14.95

The Beast Compilation: All TEN (Save 50%)

Bullet Proof
Defiance
Denial
Drowning
Empty Clip
First Blood
Hard Drive
Iced
Pandora’s Box
The Wall
24.99

10 Things People Mistake as Exercise!


1. Walking to work

a. Using your legs? Congrats, it’s what they’re there for.
b. Base line activity isn’t enough to make up for your ridiculous diet.
c. Its doesn’t make up for the 8 hours sitting you do at work

2. Cycling to work

a. You’re a menace on the roads and if you’re unlucky someone might kill you!
b. Can’t do everyday because of the weather.
c. Contrary to popular belief, it can be very hard on the spine.

3. Gardening

a. Doesn’t take much energy unless moving trees around!
b. Again, contrary to popular belief, it can be very hard on the spine.

4. Vacuuming the house.

a. This should be done anyway and considering it exercise is just plan stupid unless you have a 4 story mansion! Most people don’t vacuum everyday for several hours!

5. Dancing while out at a party or club

a. Most people are drinking alcohol while doing this! Alcohol has a lot of energy in it, chances are you won’t be burning all of it! And what about the food you’re be consuming? Huh?    Morons!
b. Dancing in general can be great for cardiovascular health but what about your muscles.  Muscle require resistance and in a proper manner.

6. Shopping

a. How stupid do you have to be to consider this actual exercise? If you get sore from shopping you must be so lazy I don’t even wanna know you! If you do actually get sore which I hope you don’t I think its time to start ordering your shopping online!
b.  This myth probably originated from women weekly as a way to con their husbands into giving their fat behind the credit card…

7. Taking the Stairs instead of the Elevator!

a. I Wish there was no such thing as an elevator, we should all be using the stairs anyway! I’d love to see a sweaty fat bastard try to get up to his penthouse apartment on the 20th floor that would make my day!
b. For most people this shouldn’t be exercise its only walking!

8. Fidgeting

a. What sort of reject thinks they may loose weight being a restless fidgeter? Please point this person out so I can shove some Ritalin down his throat!
b. If your fidgeting is jumping up and down all day then that’s fine but see you in the insane asylum.

9. Hand washing the Car

a. Yep the car needs cleaning just wash it!
b. If you handwashing your car everday for a few hours good on you

10. SEX!
a. I don’t know about you but I’m not humping away 3 times a day for 2 hours at a time!  Maybe this is why porn starts are generally fit or maybe its because of the cocaine…
b. If you are fat then your probably not going to have the drive to keep up anyways.

Although I have mocked these things saying they are not exercise,  a lot of them should be included in your everyday life, just don’t count it as exercise. We get people telling us they do this stuff and then look at us like we should give them a cookie!  They get on the defensive saying they are active, yet they still weight in around 300kgs.  People don’t want to know the truth,  the truth is that most are LAZY and don’t want to take the 30mins out of their day to properly train.  There is 1440 minutes in everyday and most won’t even take 30 to help themselves.  Yet when they get diabetes, heart ailments or cancer they want people to help them but why should they? when this could have  been prevented by simply exercising properly.

What that? You want some more…
Yoga isn’t exercise!

Besides being invented by Hindus for meditation over 10,000 years ago; prior to white people using it to make money…

When looking at this chart you can see that yoga doesn’t burn many more calories than doing the dishes! There is an average of 420 cals in a Blue Berry Muffin that means it would take almost 2 and a half hours to burn off that 1 muffin doing yoga! This is not high aerobic activity at all like some claims that I have seen. A lot of people try doing yoga from a DVD (good f-ing luck). We recently purchased a DVD and a gave it a go but the instructions were so confusing we have been using the DVD as a drink coaster.
Yoga has some stress relieving qualities but this is more therapy rather than exercise. So sorry to all you yoga lovers fiftyone-43-four thinks your wasting your time counting this as exercise!

Since we are starting to get pissed off talking about this stuff, lets roast another….

Ab circle Pro

This thing is pretty much a scam, but has a very convincing ad! By making their product look like the best thing on the market with so called “fitness professionals” ,lots of testimonials and lean, sexy people they are making people that don’t know any better fall into their trap!

You get charged over $200 for something made with sub standard materials that if you weigh over 150lbs your gonna feel like its about to break! Many people have reported knee problems from using the Ab circle pro within minutes of being on it, if your over 30 I’d recommend not using and if your over 40 I definitely recommend avoiding it!  We aren’t even going to touch on the back injuries we have seen from this POS.

Alright, we are tired out.  We could keep going but we will stop there for now and continue later.

-Fiftyone-43-four

“Saying things your healthcare professional wants to say, but can’t.”

You have seen it before, it makes you cringe, now if you capture it on video… You Get Money.

Remember the rules from the last post?

If not here is a refresher:

1.  Look around at the different people doing exercise
2.  Humble yourself and realize that you don’t do everything perfect nor will you ever (same with us).
3.  Now that you have done that, keep searching until something odd hits your eye (it will, trust us).
4.  Ask yourself this question: “Does that exercise look right?”
5.  If you answer yes, then in fact, they are probably doing it right
6.  If you answer no, then go up to them and let them know they are doing it wrong.
7.  Make sure to let them know that “they suck at exercise”

Now here are the rules:

1.  Video someone doing a stupid exercise or a regular exercise with horrible form in the gym.  Don’t get their face, we don’t want to get sued.
2.  Subtitle the video with “fiftyone-43-four, I suck at exercise”.
3.  Upload it to youtube and send us the link

We will review the video and at the end of August (the deadline) we will pick the winner.  The winner gets 100.00 NZD and 12 free Fiftyone-43-Four intensive exercise protocols (IEP’s) a value worth 49.99.

P.S. If you are wondering what the sexy girl has to do with sucking at exercise…. Absolutely nothing.

Fiftyone-43-Four

Ever take someone through an intense workout and they don’t sweat?

More often than not they are probably weak.  You know how we feel about weak people.  In case you forgot, we feel in our opinion (legal bit) that they (weak people) suck.  They get hurt using their computer, go into physical therapy and expect the physical therapist to cure them in one go and when the pt says that it will take some exercise and time, they go home and sulk around eating ice cream.   How do we know?  Because we see them come into the gym, they tell their little pity story to us… Well you can guess how that goes down.

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There are none, stupid.  Besides preventing endometrial cancer and Parkinsons, but that’s another story.  Following a sedentary lifestyle is more likely to kill you than smoking. What does this mean? Well if your a lazy bastard that doesn’t exercise your unhealthier than a smoker!  And if your a lazy bastard that smokes your pretty much (f-bomb’d).

20% of all deaths regarding people 30 and older were attributed to a lack of physical activity. That claims more deaths than smoking!  When you understand that we are designed to move and not sit all day, you know that being lazy and becoming overweight is your own doing.

Looking at specific diseases over the last year we see (comparing to previous years):

The risk of dying from cancer increased 45% for men and 28% for women.

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Buy one now and put it on your mother in laws car.

We didn’t suggest that.  For legal reasons we can’t.
Our lawyers already hate us.  Anyways,  you know you want it.  We don’t even make money on it.  That’s a lie, we make about .40 cents.  Support the TRUTH!

Fiftyone-43-Four
“Saying things your doctor has wanted to say for over 100 years”

Empty Clip: Energy and Strength Development

If it moves it dies and by the end of this you probably won’t be.
Do this with perfect form. If you can’t keep your form reduce it to the amount of reps you can keep your form; from that point attempt to do it under 60 minutes. Use a weight that you CAN NOT use for more than 15 reps. This means you have to rest but use your time wisely.

Metabolic Demand: 4/5
Strength Demand: 3/5
Total Demand: 4/5