Exercise is Stupid

Stop sitting so much you lazy asshole.

 

Simple.

My Honest Opinion of some of the Latest Fads

CrossFit is a strength and endurance fitness regime.  They want to create the ultimate athlete by including gymnast, Olympic lifting, and sprinter.  CrossFit uses Olympic lifts, kettle bells, gymnastics rings, pull-up bars, and many other fanatical exercises. CrossFit athletes run, use skipping ropes, row, climb ropes, jump on boxes, flip tires, carry weight around and bounce medicine balls against the floor.  Most of these workouts are crazy difficult and are not for beginners.  The only thing I’ve seen from this is injuries so be careful when approaching Crossfit workouts and make sure that your technique is correct.

Zumba is a dance program that consists of Latin music and easy to follow dance moves. The dance routines have interval training sessions where they mix up fast and slow dances with some resistance training apparently designed to “sculpt and tone”.  Zumba can now be found almost any where and has taken off surprisingly!  I wouldn’t touch this with a 10 foot pole or recommend to anyone because that would make me look like a complete fag! I honestly don’t know why so many people do it… As I’m not going to try it I’ll leave it at that.

Belly Dancing where to start with this one… hmm well again I’m not going to try this one.  And I hate it when I see overweight people doing this in traditional clothes.  Can be great to watch when beautiful girls do it otherwise it’s kind of disgusting. It is a non impact exercise though so great for people of all ages and apparently a great why to tone up and strengthen the core… OMG what happened to regular exercise? Have people gone crazy?  Or am I the crazy one?  I suppose a lot of people get bored with normal exercise but I think they need to train with someone from fiftyone-43-four and harden the F up.

Les Mills Body Pump first of all I’d like to point out that half the time the instructors can’t do the exercises properly, too many people are over ambitious lifting way to heavy and this causes more injuries than it does results guaranteed. Pump is a weights based group exercise program that is done to music that is way to loud with instructors screaming like they are giving birth. The classes use a varied amount of exercises from the simple to the advanced. If you’re a personal trainer or fitness instructor have you ever tried to teach someone that is uncoordinated how to do a deadlift? How about a bentover row? It can be nearly impossible first time yeah? Now imagine these people walking into a pump class having never exercised before in their life, it’s a recipe for disaster.  I’ve watched these classes countless times and I honestly cringe at all the bent backs and the possible lower back injuries ready to happen.  I recommend staying away from these classes unless you can actually do these exercises no problem; Bentover Rows, Deadlifts, Squats and lunges. Enough Said.

Boot Camp is an exercise program based on an army theme that is done outside using mostly bodyweight type exercises.  I personally like these type of programmes because they do incorporate a lot of good plyometrics, intervals and strength work. They are challenging and you can expect to do a lot of push ups, sprints and get very little rest.  The only problem I have noticed with these classes is how expensive they can be, but if you can afford it and dedicate yourself I actually recommend you to get out their and do it.

What the Stock-market and Pain have in Common (via Doctor Anthony’s Insight)

Good Read.

Lower back pain is often self resolving.  As practitioners or patients, we hear that quite often.  However, what we don't hear is the future of the pain.  The pain might be self resolving at the moment but what about when it comes back?  Self management has always been a key factor for allowing the patient to manage their pain.  Empowerment over the problem is essential for the patient to regain confidence in themselves.  Pain in itself has deep … Read More

via Doctor Anthony's Insight

Myths About Exercise

These are some common myths we hear from our clients and people in the gym.

I need exercises to work on my “lower abs” and reduce beer Gut!

Hmm a total amateur question but that’s alright I’ll help you with this…Firstly there’s no such thing as ‘lower abs’ it’s  one long segmented muscle,  called the rectus abdominis, that extends from below your chest to your pelvis. To work your “abs”, you should do exercises to target all four muscles: the rectus abdominis, internal and external obliques and the transverse abdominis. This should be obvious but it seems some people are just really thick!

Secondly doing crunches will not help you get a so-called  ‘six-pack’ if you have a layer of Fat aka Lard over your abdominal area which chances are you have!  In order the see the muscles, you must lower your body fat.. A real no brainer eh? you’d think so but it’s not always the case.  A lot of this is about diet!  Hows is your diet.. huh? yea is probably crap! Have you been taking your centrum?

If I’m not sore the next day, I didn’t workout hard enough?

Most people use muscle soreness as a measure of how good or bad  the workout was. However, muscle soreness is caused by  tears in the muscle fibers.  (and possibly you’re just being a pussy!) while  soreness can be expected if you regularly changing your program, being sore for days after most likely means you overdid it. If you’re sore after every workout, you’re not allowing your body time to recover, which surprisingly is when you experience the most muscle growth.  Don’t forget to get rest the muscles!

To prevent soreness, you should warm up before your workout, do some dynamic stretches before and stretch muscles that need it after! If you experience soreness.. Rest.

If I can’t workout often enough and hard enough, I might as well not even do it?

A general guideline for weight loss is the following: eat right, exercise with weight, and do cardio. Some people simply say they don’t have the time to workout and they think, since I can’t do all of that, why do any of it? Well I say there’s 1440 minutes in a day, man up and do some exercise if you don’t you’re quality of life is gonna decrease and so is the quantity ( life expectancy!) it only takes a minimum of 30 mins so there’s no excuses get out there and do it! “Is any exercise better than no exercise?” what like walking to work? Well that’s not exercise, that’s walking to work!  Dumb ass!

Weight training will make me “bulk up”?

Some women avoid weight training because they don’t want to bulk up! We hear it all the time! “I don’t do weights because I don’t want to be bulky”  Good news for all you women out there, YOU DON”T HAVE TESTICLES (and if you do you are not a woman)!  However in all seriousness,weight training is a crucial to maintain a healthy weight and strengthen your body. What researchers know is the average woman doesn’t typically gain size from weight training because she doesn’t have the amount of hormones necessary to build massive amounts of muscle. Even men have a tough time gaining muscle and it’s something you have to work very hard to achieve, male or female.  At the end of the day a lot it falls down to genetics and what you’re eating.

Even Jay Cutler with all his “gear” still has to work his ass off to get big.

-Fiftyone-43-Four

“Saying things your HCP wants to say but can’t”

Vitamin and Mineral Deficiency Causes Obesity

You must be kidding me.  We found this quote on the net and felt we must share it:

…Mankind experiences the same symptoms, but we may call it snacking or having the munchies. Much of the problem of obesity in the developed nations is a direct result of vitamin and mineral deficiencies, which can cause a constant craving for those nutrients that aren’t getting in their diets.

What the hell is going on?  People aren’t fat because they forgot to take their centrum.  They are fat because they are addicted to food.  This quote is like telling a crack addict that they forgot their daily dose of B12 and thats why they are a junkie.

Guns don’t kill People, People kill People.

Where did we find the quote? http://www.utopiatradingpost.com/mineral.html, ironically enough they are selling supplements.  There are many more sites just like these guys but we thought we would just pick on them.  You know why?  Because we can.  Don’t think because hamburgers are so readily available that you can blame your fatness on them.  Its not their fault, its your hands fault.  Its better to cut off your hands now rather then let diabetes remove them for you.

Magnesium Deficiency

Magnesium deficiency causes obesity?  Holy shit, we better start drinking heaps of milk.  Make it a chocolate milk too.
Peoples excuses are a direct reflection of their laziness.  Stop blaming.  The only ones who can blame are the fat little kids
running around because mom and dad let them eat McD’s for breakfast, lunch and dinner.  Once they hit 18 though, it the
kids faults for staying obese.  We figure that if you can vote, smoke, and take a bullet for your country, then you can be
Intelligent enough to know that overeating everyday is an addiction.

Here at Fiftyone-43-Four we have truly found the cause of obesity.  What is it?

Being F’n Lazy.

Whats the solution?

Get your shit together.
Make it happen, now, not tomorrow.

Fiftyone-43-Four

“Saying things your HCP has always wanted to say, but can’t”

WORKOUTS NOW RELEASED!

Heart Pumping, Fat Burning, Strength Injecting IEPS (Intensive Exercise Protocols) are now available in 5 or 10 packs.  Imagine never needing to have some fitness “guru” to hold your hand in the gym, ever again.  Imagine crossfit type intensity without the crazy people. Imagine only trying to outperform yourself not a group of can’t hack it slackers.  Each one of these work outs may be used for a minimum of one month. This means if you get the 10 pack, essentially you just invested in one year of exercise programming geared at making you tougher than nails.  Each work out is coded on a level of 1 (easy) to 5 (hard) in the following areas:

1.  Demand (intensity and what it takes)
2.  Metabolic Drive (how hard it works your heart)
3.  Strength Drive (how hard it works your muscles)

These workouts are all challenged based and the only person you have to outperform is yourself.  Stuff all the other hype.  This cheaper, more effective, and promised to give you a result.

5 Pack Volume One (Save 25%)

Includes the following workouts:
Bullet Proof
Defiance
Denial
Drowning
Empty Clip
14.95

Five Pack: Volume Two (Save 25%)

Includes the following workouts:
First Blood
Hard Drive
Iced
Pandora’s Box
The Wall
14.95

The Beast Compilation: All TEN (Save 50%)

Bullet Proof
Defiance
Denial
Drowning
Empty Clip
First Blood
Hard Drive
Iced
Pandora’s Box
The Wall
24.99

10 Things People Mistake as Exercise!

10 Things People Mistake as Exercise!

1. Walking to work

a. Using your legs? Congrats, it’s what they’re there for.
b. Base line activity isn’t enough to make up for your ridiculous diet.
c. Its doesn’t make up for the 8 hours sitting you do at work

2. Cycling to work

a. You’re a menace on the roads and if you’re unlucky someone might kill you!
b. Can’t do everyday because of the weather.
c. Contrary to popular belief, it can be very hard on the spine.

3. Gardening

a. Doesn’t take much energy unless moving trees around!
b. Again, contrary to popular belief, it can be very hard on the spine.

4. Vacuuming the house.

a. This should be done anyway and considering it exercise is just plan stupid unless you have a 4 story mansion! Most people don’t vacuum everyday for several hours!

5. Dancing while out at a party or club

a. Most people are drinking alcohol while doing this! Alcohol has a lot of energy in it, chances are you won’t be burning all of it! And what about the food you’re be consuming? Huh?    Morons!
b. Dancing in general can be great for cardiovascular health but what about your muscles.  Muscle require resistance and in a proper manner.

6. Shopping

a. How stupid do you have to be to consider this actual exercise? If you get sore from shopping you must be so lazy I don’t even wanna know you! If you do actually get sore which I hope you don’t I think its time to start ordering your shopping online!
b.  This myth probably originated from women weekly as a way to con their husbands into giving their fat behind the credit card…

7. Taking the Stairs instead of the Elevator!

a. I Wish there was no such thing as an elevator, we should all be using the stairs anyway! I’d love to see a sweaty fat bastard try to get up to his penthouse apartment on the 20th floor that would make my day!
b. For most people this shouldn’t be exercise its only walking!

8. Fidgeting

a. What sort of reject thinks they may loose weight being a restless fidgeter? Please point this person out so I can shove some Ritalin down his throat!
b. If your fidgeting is jumping up and down all day then that’s fine but see you in the insane asylum.

9. Hand washing the Car

a. Yep the car needs cleaning just wash it!
b. If you handwashing your car everday for a few hours good on you

10. SEX!
a. I don’t know about you but I’m not humping away 3 times a day for 2 hours at a time!  Maybe this is why porn starts are generally fit or maybe its because of the cocaine…
b. If you are fat then your probably not going to have the drive to keep up anyways.

Although I have mocked these things saying they are not exercise,  a lot of them should be included in your everyday life, just don’t count it as exercise. We get people telling us they do this stuff and then look at us like we should give them a cookie!  They get on the defensive saying they are active, yet they still weight in around 300kgs.  People don’t want to know the truth,  the truth is that most are LAZY and don’t want to take the 30mins out of their day to properly train.  There is 1440 minutes in everyday and most won’t even take 30 to help themselves.  Yet when they get diabetes, heart ailments or cancer they want people to help them but why should they? when this could have  been prevented by simply exercising properly.

What that? You want some more…
Yoga isn’t exercise!

Besides being invented by Hindus for meditation over 10,000 years ago; prior to white people using it to make money…

When looking at this chart you can see that yoga doesn’t burn many more calories than doing the dishes! There is an average of 420 cals in a Blue Berry Muffin that means it would take almost 2 and a half hours to burn off that 1 muffin doing yoga! This is not high aerobic activity at all like some claims that I have seen. A lot of people try doing yoga from a DVD (good f-ing luck). We recently purchased a DVD and a gave it a go but the instructions were so confusing we have been using the DVD as a drink coaster.
Yoga has some stress relieving qualities but this is more therapy rather than exercise. So sorry to all you yoga lovers fiftyone-43-four thinks your wasting your time counting this as exercise!

Since we are starting to get pissed off talking about this stuff, lets roast another….

Ab circle Pro

This thing is pretty much a scam, but has a very convincing ad! By making their product look like the best thing on the market with so called “fitness professionals” ,lots of testimonials and lean, sexy people they are making people that don’t know any better fall into their trap!

You get charged over $200 for something made with sub standard materials that if you weigh over 150lbs your gonna feel like its about to break! Many people have reported knee problems from using the Ab circle pro within minutes of being on it, if your over 30 I’d recommend not using and if your over 40 I definitely recommend avoiding it!  We aren’t even going to touch on the back injuries we have seen from this POS.

Alright, we are tired out.  We could keep going but we will stop there for now and continue later.

-Fiftyone-43-four

“Saying things your healthcare professional wants to say, but can’t.”

Eat Fast-food and Live Longer

You wish. If you are dumb enough to think being over weight is healthy then do use a favor and…. (edited for legal reasons). Myokines, does that word sound familiar? Probably not. Fat people don’t have much of them and this is most likely the reason why a person with a BMI over 25 is going to spend $200K USD more on health care in their lifetime (when compared to someone under 25). Myokines are special chemicals released by the muscles and play specific roles in the body (i.e. anabolic roles, improving vascular systems, increasing immunity or white blood cells). Fat people however seem to inhibit these special chemicals by improperly eating. Extra fat on the body (over 25 BMI) causes low-level inflammation that disrupts these chemicals and other physiological functions. In fact, it disrupts them so much that it causes diabetes or heart disease.

Overeating is an addiction. It’s just like using heroin or smoking or being an alcoholic. We just seem to accept it publicly because of our culture. I say, next time you see a fat person in Mc-Donalds munching down on a hamburger, you call the food abusers hot-line, so that they get locked up and have to go to rehab.  Lets not forget their children either.

Fiftyone-43-Four

You Suck at Exercise: COMPETITION CASH PRIZE

You have seen it before, it makes you cringe, now if you capture it on video… You Get Money.

Remember the rules from the last post?

If not here is a refresher:

1.  Look around at the different people doing exercise
2.  Humble yourself and realize that you don’t do everything perfect nor will you ever (same with us).
3.  Now that you have done that, keep searching until something odd hits your eye (it will, trust us).
4.  Ask yourself this question: “Does that exercise look right?”
5.  If you answer yes, then in fact, they are probably doing it right
6.  If you answer no, then go up to them and let them know they are doing it wrong.
7.  Make sure to let them know that “they suck at exercise”

Now here are the rules:

1.  Video someone doing a stupid exercise or a regular exercise with horrible form in the gym.  Don’t get their face, we don’t want to get sued.
2.  Subtitle the video with “fiftyone-43-four, I suck at exercise”.
3.  Upload it to youtube and send us the link

We will review the video and at the end of August (the deadline) we will pick the winner.  The winner gets 100.00 NZD and 12 free Fiftyone-43-Four intensive exercise protocols (IEP’s) a value worth 49.99.

P.S. If you are wondering what the sexy girl has to do with sucking at exercise…. Absolutely nothing.

Fiftyone-43-Four

The Endorphin Series: The Lumbar Spine

Stop wasting time with pointless non-progressive rehab that probably isn’t fixing your spine anyways.  Time to get serious.  There is so much information out there how are we supposted to know whats right or wrong?  Well, we have teamed up with some seriously good physio’s, doctors, and personal trainers to create the endorphin series.  This series focuses on the lower back and is seriously worth while.  This is a SIX week program that tells you exactly (with video) what to do for your achy back. It has weekly planning including sets reps and holds; all in a progressive manner.  By the end of it you will be amazed at what you are doing with your spine.  Again, this is a program that shows you, step by step, how to bullet proof your spine.  Complete with video instruction, reps, sets, and hold times; it covers six weeks of training Monday to Friday.  Comprehensive and complete.

20 trips to the physio will cost you around a thousand dollars.  We don’t have that type of money, do you?  This is the SAME thing, the same exercises, for only 14.99.  Cheaper than a haircut, night at the movies, or that CD you wanted to buy.  Time to weigh in what you need and what you want.